1. Who is the best Hesketh Casuals player you have played with?

Justin Parr, great engine, good crosser, team player, great touch ( if you know what I mean).

2. Who is the worst Hesketh Casuals player you have played with?

Barry Fellowes - just kidding - probably a ringer - Bay played once ;-/

3. What was your best Casuals goal?

I believe it was a daisy cutter I took off Mushy's toes last season from about 25 yards, it hit the post and went in, there was a cutting silence on the pitch, everyone was schocked including me.

4. Which was your most memorable Cassies game?

For me it has to be Cazzies B's first ever game away in Preston somewhere, it was fucking stifling on the back of heat wave summer, our players were hungover, out of shape and rusty. I'll never forget the look on our faces when 15 tall and chiselled half naked spartans looked over at us as we approached, all happy and callous when sizing us up. We did okay to be fair that day. I seem to remember throwing a wobbler on the pitch as we were fast using subs and I was still on the field at 60 minutes feeling like there was a bunsen burner in my rib-cage torching my lungs.

5. What is your earliest footballing memory (playing)?

My first training session at Trinity as a kid, running around Meols Cop field with Walshee and Swarb, as I looked around at my naturally gifted peer's from Norwood I noticed Mozza and Mushy pinging 40 yard passes to each other in the distance, it became quite clear to me that we were going to be the backbone of the Trinity B team, they took a little longer to twig but I didn't want to burst their bubble, Walshee was emotionally unstable back then and to a certain degree still is.

6. What is your earliest footballing memory (watching)?

I remember seeing Man U versus Palace in a cup final (I think) vaguely when I was young I think that's the fist 90 minutes I sat through, before obviously getting back to the real show with my thundercats figures in my bedroom (mum-raa won the big battle of the toy box that day).

7. Which Premier League side would you liken Cassies to and why?

It pains me to say it but I think we are the Liverpool of our league at the minute, good on paper, plenty of passionate fans, should do better, there or there abouts, don't play proper football as often as we should do and when we do it works-ish.

8. Which three Cassies players would you most like to share a shower with?

Ian Langton, Derek Sykes and Chris Hames. I would quite like to see Ian washing Derek's hair whilst Chris scrubs his back - me just watching.

9. What would your last meal be on death row?

I would ask for steak pudding, chips, mushy peas and gravy from the chippee. Pint of ribena. If I was aloud desert it would be a double decker chocolate bar. You can't worry about the calories when someone is about to put a jay cloth on your head and fry your bollocks. Bring on the cholestrel mother fuckers im an innocent brother!

10. Which Professional footballer would you liken yourself to?

Paul Ince

11. Which is your favourite away ground and why?

Probably Bury GSOB it's inviting and clean - which is important for me.

12. John Porter or Bob Mitchell?

To play under - John because he genuinely rated me.

Just to be under - Bob.

13. What is your funniest memory of Hesekth Casuals?

I thought it was funny in the Oasthouse pub on the recent xmas do - we were at the level of nicely pissed so we could be rawkus and imature but still get away with it, i hope the old grandad enjoyed his pepperami apparenlty he'd 'eat anything' - cheeky slag.

14. After a game, bath or shower?

If I had the time and I could be bothered a bath, but it's generally the usual - 'golden shower' - my dad hoses me down in the portch when i get in.

15. After a game, Burger or Pizza?

Pizza just shades it - hot n spicy from sahara's - hey mama!

16. After a night out, Kebab, Burger or Pizza?

If I am not with my Mrs - a kebab - naturally. I don't think anyone should have to whitness me eat a donner after a night out its harrowing.

17. Who do you think is the most skillful Casuals player?

In the past - Nidge
At the moment - Me

18. Do you agree with capital punishment?

Yes but only if it's unnavoidable.

19. If Hesketh Casuals played Man Utd at Old Trafford, what do you honestly think the score would be?

That's a great question Hamish, let me see 90 minutes hmmmm - 23 to one. We would get an own goal from closet life long cazzies B supporter Patrice Evra.

20. If you didn't play for Cassies, what would you be doing?

I would be in a crack den - you saved me Hamish.

Bonus question: What would your chosen song be when showing highlights of your Cassies career?

I would go with something poinient like the 'lombarda'.