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WEST HAM...TO THE MAXI!

West Ham have landed their man and signed a headline-writers dream according to today's papers, as Barcelona's Maxi Lopez is on the verge of a 7m move to Upton Park in the summer. Other Premiership sides are reportedly interested but West Ham are believed to be the unnamed club who have made an offer for the player, according to Barcelona's marvellously-named sporting director Txiki Beguiristain. The fee would be a club record, suggesting Pardew feels the Argentine is more Maxi-mum than Austin Maxi. His potential signing is unlikely to bring the spending to a complete close however, as the club seek to strengthen in the transfer window, particularly at the back. Ajax's sporting director (busy time of year for sporting directors) has confirmed that the Hammers have inquired about Nigel De Jong, but the long-muted 7m deal for Dean Ashton has allegedly been scuppered by Delia Smith.

CITY WANT MORE MILLS

Southampton's England under-19 defender Matthew Mills is on his way to Manchester City in a deal starting at 250,000. This will, of course, give City a possible Mills-Mills combo in the back four. Note to Stuart Pearce: if you could convince former Inspiral Carpets member turned Manchester DJ Clint Boon to partner your new centre back the tabloids would be so grateful, they'd probably let you lose loads of games as England manager before bringing out the Fake Sheik.

SPAIN IS WHERE THE HARTE IS

Irish free kick taker Ian Harte is stuck in Spain with no plane fare home according to reports that suggest both Portsmouth and Sunderland want to sign the former Leeds man. Harte's Spanish adventure has gone a bit pear-shaped as the newly-promoted with plans for the top six of La Liga Levante side he joined have morphed into the demoted into division 2 Levante side. Plus that Irish complexion must be suffering in the heat of Valencia. However, with Harte a regular in the side the club are adamant that he will not be allowed to leave, frustrating the advances of former Ireland manager Mick McCarthy and long-time admirer Harry Redknapp.

THE END OF THEO-RY

Right, it seems that after keeping Arsene Wenger on hold for nearly a week one of Southampton's customer services assistants have managed to answer his call and accepted his 12m offer for Theo Walcott. It should all be signed, sealed and delivered this afternoon, leaving us all free to worry about more important issues for the rest of January, such as whether Ashley Cole will leave Arsenal for Madrid and who can fill the 'Roy Keane void' at Old Trafford.

HARRY AFTER 100,000 OF GRASS

You'd think that failing to sign Duncan Ferguson would save a club money, not leave them out-of-pocket, but Pompey are suffering financially from their failure to land the big, strong, perma-injured Scot. After buying a job lot of midfielders who like to knock the ball about Harry has noticed that the Fratton Park pitch makes Burton Albion's surface look like the 13th green at Augusta. In other words it's churned up and full of potholes you could lose Shaun Wright-Phillips down. Consequently, Harry has sent in the tractors, at the cost of 100,000, saying: 'what you need is a big target man to play it up to, but we simply don't have one.' We've said it before Harry - two words: Big Les.

Missed any recent hot gossip from the Barclays Premiership? For our last transfers feature http://www.4thegame.com/features/feature/183438/transfers__idol_gossip.htmlCLICK HERE...

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