
Welcome to Carling's weekly round-up of the nonsense that gets printed on the sports pages of our nation's beloved fish and chip wrapping paper...
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MONDAY
There's nothing the newspapers love more than a good punch-up that they can be morally-outraged by and make up ridiculous rumours about, so you can imagine how excited they are about the 'pitch battle' at Stamford Bridge. The Daily Mail say that Sir Alex Ferguson and the FA are looking into it... Even more exciting for the press is that racism has been brought into it, and The Sun report on claims that: "Chelsea and Manchester United were at war last night over allegations that racism sparked the Battle of the Bridge."
The Daily Mirror say: "Manchester United were last night forced into a humiliating climbdown over claims racism was at the centre of the Stamford Bridge bust-up." The Guardian report on those claims that the fight between United players and Chelsea staff was sparked off by racist taunts aimed at Patrice Evra. The Independent say that Chelsea are standing by the groundsman who fought with Evra and have no plans to sack him. Unfortunately for United, it is their players who in hot water, even those not involved in the brawl, with as many as seven facing FA charges, according to the Daily Star.
If the press couldn't quite agree on what happened in the post-match scuffle, they certainly know who was to blame for United's defeat, with Henry Winter in the Daily Telegraph writing: "Ferguson must get involved with his players. He must now play the motivator and ensure his tactics work. Only victory over Barcelona can justify Saturday's team-sheet." John Dillon in the Daily Express says: "One of the arts of football management involves the ability to see around corners. So Sir Alex Ferguson may yet be proven right by his decision to keep the nation's best player on the bench at the biggest match of the season."
TUESDAY
Harry Harris has been quite quiet recently, but comes blazing back with one of his trademark EXCLUSIVES in the Daily Express this morning. That is to say that it's a story that appears in similar form on the back pages of four other national newspapers, all claiming that Sven Goran Eriksson will leave Manchester City this summer. The EXCLUSIVE part of this is some 'associate' of Sven telling Harry: "Sven pulled out of a big-money transfer today and has explained that everything is on hold at the club, and he meant everything."
The Daily Mirror have the same kind of EXCLUSIVE, saying that the Swede's meeting with Thaksin Shinawatra didn't go well, with the manager finding himself frozen out of transfer plans for the summer. The Sun call their story ANOTHER GREAT EXCLUSIVE, which presumably is in reference to all the other papers who have the same thing. A 'City insider' tells them: "It was a very unpleasant meeting between Sven and the owner. Shinawatra wants control of everything and that is not the way that Eriksson works."
Meanwhile, The Guardian report on claims that Patrice Evra was called a 'f**king immigrant' in the build-up to the mass brawl (can we even still call it that after seeing the footage?). The Independent say that Chelsea's position is that Evra misheard the insult, which was actually 'f**king idiot'. The Times say that Fabio Capello and Franco Baldini were still inside the stadium at the time and witnessed the trouble.
WEDNESDAY
Paul Scholes is all over the back pages this morning after his wonder goal booked Manchester United's place in the Champions League Final, and the Daily Mail say that it is 'redemption' for a player who missed their triumph in 1999 through suspension. The Independent take the same angle on United's 1-0 win over Barcelona, with their headline - FINALLY - underlined presumably to show just how long Scholes has had to wait for his second chance.
The Guardian pay tribute to Scholes, but say that "Stubbornness more than style ensured that Manchester United are bound for Moscow." The Daily Express call Scholes 'one of Manchester United's true greats' and start to look forward to a first all-English Champions League Final.
And now, get ready for the red-tops with their rather similar (and rubbish) headline puns, all combining 'Moscow' with 'Scholes'. WE'RE ALL OFF TO MOSCHO is from The Sun. The Daily Star add an extra 's' and a hyphen to the pun to make it even worse with MOSS-CHO HERE WE COME (Mosscow?). And the Daily Mirror have the same basic headline, but get rid of the superfluous 's' and add a 'w' at the end to make it look a little bit more like Moscow.
THURSDAY
The Independent pay tribute to Frank Lampard after he overcame his sadness at the death of his mother to score a crucial penalty in Chelsea's 3-2 win over Liverpool in the Champions League semi-final last night. The Rolling Stones reference - EMOTIONAL RESCUE - makes it our Headline of the Day... Lampard celebrated his goal by kissing the black armband he was wearing in tribute to his mother, and that's the image the Daily Telegraph lead with.
The Daily Mail point out that Lampard's performance came just 48 hours before the funeral, and that his father Frank Snr was close to tears in the stands. Also close to tears is Frank Jnr on the back of The Sun, while John Terry says: "What a character Lamps is. He's fantastic. To block out what has been a terrible week for him and all his family is incredible." As well as a special night for Lampard personally, The Times say that it was a huge one for his club, who got through to the Final and finally got revenge for their two previous exits to Liverpool at this stage.
Speaking of revenge, Didier Drogba enjoyed the win and particularly his first goal, which he celebrated by sliding on his knees in front of Rafael Benitez, who had accused him of diving, says the Daily Star. For Liverpool, it was a painful night, and the Daily Mirror's photo of Steven Gerrard makes that clear enough, while Benitez insisted that he had no regrets about firing Drogba up with his pre-match comments.
FRIDAY
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