Thursday 17 Apr 2008GONE TO PRESS

Welcome to Carling's weekly round-up of the nonsense that gets printed on the sports pages of our nation's beloved fish and chip wrapping paper...

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MONDAY

There's an unusual sight on the back of the Daily Express this morning. It's Sir Alex Ferguson giving Arsene Wenger a hug. Sure, Wenger looks entirely uncomfortable, but then again so would you if you'd just seen your season go up in smoke, wouldn't you? Especially if it was at the hands of your mortal enemy, who is now trying to be magnaminous... Fergie could certainly afford to be considerate in victory, as Owen Hargreaves' second half free kick earned his team three crucial points in the title race, reports The Guardian.

The Daily Mirror go all James Brown - TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE- as they describe Fergie's 'battle cry' to his players. Speaking of battles, the war at Anfield took another twist yesterday when it emerged that Rick Parry was involved in meetings with Jurgen Klinsmann, and Rafa Benitez in the Daily Mail is not a happy man. In the Daily Telegraph he says: "It was a surprise to read about some meetings. I need to talk with the board and clarify the situation and I want to do that as soon as possible. I was surprised with the people that were in the meeting."

In The Times, Oliver Kay sums up yesterday's game and the whole season: "United were on the ropes yesterday, having been outplayed for the first 52 minutes, but they ended as winners. Arsenal, having outclassed the Premier League leaders ended losers. This is not a coincidence. There are many reasons why United will finish as champions while Arsenal end up empty-handed. Spirit - whether drawn the heart or the soul - is not the least of them."

TUESDAY

The Sun report on Emile Heskey's dramatic late equaliser for Wigan at Chelsea last night and the effects it could have on the title race: "Even Chelsea boss Avram Grant admits Manchester United will be crowned champions unless his side win at Everton on Thursday." The Daily Express say: "This is a result that left Chelsea boss Avram Grant's hopes of overhauling the champions and, quite possibly, securing a second season in charge at Stamford Bridge, in tatters."

The Daily Telegraph say that Chelsea only have themselves to blame: "The result was a severe punishment for Chelsea's failure to kill off the game after taking the lead in the 54th minute through Michael Essien's strike." The Times report on how Grant and his team were booed off at half-time and full-time, though he was hindered by late withdrawals of Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard.

Meanwhile, Rio Ferdinand won't be crying for Chelsea or Arsenal if United pip them to the title, telling the Daily Star: "This is no time for sentiment. That might sound harsh, but I'm sure they wouldn't worry about us if we were in a position not to win a trophy." In the Daily Mirror, Rafa Benitez is demanding to get his own way this summer, otherwise he'll quit. Which is a bit rich for someone who has been on the verge of getting sacked most of the season and could still end up empty-handed after spending a fortune last summer, but there you go...

WEDNESDAY

It seems that Roman Abramovich has learned his lesson. Having noticed in the last two seasons that throwing endless sums of money at Chelsea doesn't guarantee success, he has decided that he needs to spend a little bit more. How does 100m sound? The Daily Mirror reckon that's how much Avram Grant will get to spend this summer, on players like Kaka, Messi and Ribery. Yes, Avram's going nowhere, Chelsea fans...

However, Abramovich does want some cash in return for his spends this time, and The Times reckon that the axe is out for as many as ten first team squad members, with names likes Andriy Shevchenko (obviously), Florent Malouda, Claudio Pizarro, Steven Sidwell and Tal Ben-Haim all certain to be sold. Which doesn't say much for Jose Mourinho's transfer policy last summer. Just to make sure he's on his way, Ben Haim has lashed out at Grant in The Sun: "Jose Mourinho is the reason I came to Chelsea and if I knew Avram Grant was going to be the coach then I would have signed for another club. I knew nothing good would come for me with Grant as Chelsea coach."

Speaking of trouble at the Bridge, Sky Sports won't find Chelsea's players or staff very talkative over the next 48 hours as they go on protest over tomorrow night's trip to Goodison Park, reports the Daily Telegraph. The Daily Express though report on Sir Alex Ferguson's warning to his players that they haven't won the title yet, even with a five point lead and only four games left to play. The Daily Mail report on Fabio Capello's claim that Wayne Rooney has the potential to be a future England captain, though the Italian also says that he needs to develop a killer instinct in front of goal.

THURSDAY

Just when you thought Manchester City's days of being the daftest club in the country were over, here's Thakin Shinawatra threatening to sack Sven Goran Eriksson days after the Swede guided them to a win at Sunderland that gives them the chance to earn their best Premier League points total ever, reports the Daily Mirror. The Sun have the same story, with Shinawatra saying: "I'm not happy with the second half of the season. At the end of the season we will assess the club and all the people involved."

In the Daily Star, another under-pressure boss, Avram Grant, hints that he might want to sign Kaka or Lionel Messi this summer: "We need to do something. We want to be more consistent and of course I need players who can help with this. Will it take a flair player like Kaka or Messi? I will not reject that one of those names will be here." Tal Ben-Haim presumably won't be there beyond the summer though, and The Sun proudly point out that he has been fined for his anti-Grant rant in their paper yesterday.

In the Daily Mirror, Grant makes a strange claim about his success so far at Chelsea: "Even Gordon Brown would be impressed at what I've done." Really? In the Daily Star, Fabio Capello says that Manchester United will win the Premier League and Champions League double this season: "Chelsea still have a chance, but if United don't lose any games they will be champions." Meanwhile, The Sun reckon that United want to buy Sporting Lisbon's Miguel Veloso and Joao Moutinho and Wigan Athletic's Wilson Palacios and Luis Antonio Valencia, which would give them a squad featuring more midfielders than most clubs have players.

FRIDAY

Just days after it was all over in the title race, Chelsea's 1-0 win over Everton means that it's all back on again, though the Daily Mail still aren't convinced. The Times point out that the pressure seems to be getting to Avram Grant "during a bizarre post-match press briefing when he responded to questions with a series of pointed, monosyllabic answers." The Sun reckon that: "Avram Grant turned into Avram GRUNT as he completely lost the plot last night."

It was another Michael Essien goal that won it for Chelsea, but the Daily Express say he was overshadowed by his boss: "Charmless Avram Grant matched the lumbering performance of his players with a bizarre display at the post-match press conference as the pressure of the title race seemed to overwhelm the Chelsea manager." The Daily Mirror focus on Everton's plight, with David Moyes admitting defeat in the race for fourth place after their latest setback. Incidentally, the ESS in MESS is highlighted on their backpage because the goal was scored by ESSien. Get it?

In the Daily Telegraph, George Gillett asks Tom Hicks to stop causing mayhem at Anfield, saying: "Tom should stop. I'm saddened at this latest outburst. Here we are, a few days away from a vital Champions League semi-final match, and Tom has once again created turmoil with his public comments." Meanwhile, The Sun reckon that Manchester United are going to spend Â90m this summer, and that's just on new deals for Cristiano Ronaldo, Rio Ferdinand, Wes Brown and Michael Carrick.

LATEST COMMENTS

arthur said:
forget this give leeds united back the 15...
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forget this give leeds united back the 15 points and watch us go next year the football league are a disgrace and out of touch

arthur from Leeds