WARM BEER PROTECTION
A Step by Step Guide
- If you sense the foul primeval stench of Warm Beer... DO NOT APPROACH IT. Don't for a minute think you can go toe-to-toe with it and come out as top boy. Warm Beer is evil. So just run. Run like a big chicken.
- The U.K Warm Beer Early Warning System (W.B.E.W.S) will not be ready until Sept 2064. So until then, always carry your WARM BEER DETECTOR with you. That extra few minutes could be vital.
MAKE YOUR OWN: For instructions please send your address to: Professor Michael Fabulous, the Old Bloke with the Curly Hair, 3rd table from the bar, The Red Lion, Coventry. - Display the 'This is a WARM BEER WATCH AREA' sticker in your front window. Let Warm Beer know that if it has the audacity to flaunt itself down your street, scowling like a bad boy, you will be hiding behind the curtains holding a baseball bat with a six-inch nail stuck in the end of it.
- When all else fails sing this song loud and proud (to the tune of a popular dance hit from 1993):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no warm beer!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no warm beer!
No, no warm beer, no warm beer round here!
We'll call it names and we'll make it cry,
No, no warm beer, we'll stand up and fight
We'll drink our cold beer and we'll have a nice time.